I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
