and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
