you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
