Your tits are I can't wait for
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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