Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
