My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
