best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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