You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
