My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
