I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
