Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
