my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
