shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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