it was like his penis was on wheels.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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