I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
God I need to hump something, right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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