I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
