I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize