It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
