oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
