After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
