Non-Jews are for practice
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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