I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
