He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
