it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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