you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
