There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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