Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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