Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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