i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
