Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
