oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
