I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
