pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
