Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
