I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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