look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
