Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He better not be in your backpack
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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