I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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