if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
