i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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