yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
