Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
