***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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