I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
