Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
