so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
