Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
