yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
