:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize