1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize