It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
