yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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