once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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