i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
