her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
