You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
