this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
