Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
