he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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