i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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