bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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