I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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