I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize