You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what day is it and did you see me today?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
