Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
