Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You pole danced in your parka.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
