I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
