Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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