allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
